Aaron Adams’s Blowhard Blog

I just wanted to take a minute to say

Enough of the fucking iPhone already! Good Christ, just stop!

I like technology. I look forward to certain things with interest and excitement.

But for the love of all that is holy, enough is fucking enough!

When the iPhone was first revealed, I was indifferent toward it. Others are certainly entitled to their interest, that’s all well and good, but it wasn’t for me, it didn’t solve any problems I have or provide a service I want or need. To each his own. But now,

instead of being indifferent I actively hate the fucking thing because it’s so overblown and so damn omnipotent and such a masturbation object for you lifeless geeks that the rest of us who are normal aren’t allowed to be away from it.

Please everyone, throttle back just a bit. Put this thing in perspective. Go outside and see the sun and play with a puppy.

Stop analyzing every frame of every goddamn commercial! Get a fucking life!

I don’t understand the irrational fascination with this phone. I mean, what is it people think this thing will do?

It won’t make you skinny! It won’t make your dead grandparents come back to life! It won’t cure cancer! And it sure as hell won’t get you laid!

Ok, it’s almost lunchtime and I think my blood sugar is a little low. Maybe I’ll come back to this later.

OH MY GOD! I HATE THIS DAMN PHONE AND THE ASSHOLES WHO WON’T STOP TALKING ABOUT IT! KILL YOURSELVES RIGHT NOW! NO, REALLY, I MEAN IT! KILL YOURSELVES NOW! PLEASE, AS A SERVICE TO HUMANITY AND ITS COLLECTIVE FUTURE!

Good day.