Aaron Adams’s Blowhard Blog

I’ve been told a little secret that I can’t hold in, and I figure if I’m going to blab about it, I might as well go all-out and let as many people know as possible. Steve and his new buddy Neil Armstrong will be traveling to Hawaii in Steve’s jet fuel-powered Gulfstream flying palace sometime in the next few weeks. That’s about all I know, and the news is going to hit the usual sites sometime before the weekend. Apparently Steve has ordered the pilot to lay on the throttle to make up for whatever pollution Woz’s hydrogen-powered sissy machine doesn’t expel.

Go Steve!

I’m pretty stoked about the WWDC keynote next Monday. I’ve enjoyed watching OS X evolve, and I’m damn excited to see what Leopard brings. Any other hardware or software announcements are icing on the cake, as far as I’m concerned.

However, there’s a dark side to every Apple announcement. I’ve seen enough keynotes that the reaction to them is painfully predictable. I’ll make no secret of the fact that I dread the aftermath. In that spirit, I present…

My WWDC 2006 Predictions

• John Dvorak will write a trolling column complaining about every keynote announcement.
• Rob Enderle will make a comment to the drive-by media that is completely devoid of facts, and it will become gospel among the tech press and irrational Apple haters.
• Mac-Macs will immediately complain that new Leopard features will unnecessarily consume resources and slow their machines down.
• Mac-Mac developers will immediately set out to create applications that turn off all of Leopard’s new features.
• Steve will pull an iPhone from his rectum and throw it directly at some unlucky crowd member and shout, “There ya whiny little bastards! Are you happy now?”
• Immediately afterwards, he’ll bend the screen and hinge of a MacBook backward, breaking it, and yell, “Here’s your goddamn tablet too. Now leave me the fuck alone!”
• Pundits and Mac-Macs will complain that the new iPhone / Apple tablet are too expensive, and they won’t be shy in letting the rest of the world, who doesn’t give a damn, know that they won’t buy one.
• “Leopard doesn’t fix [some perceived problem that affects two users who have been flooding forums with complaints about their particluar self-created mess]!”
• “I can’t believe Apple is making us pay for a point upgrade! If I buy that for $129, I may not be able to retire!”
• “…blah blah blah operating system tax.”
• Apple’s stock will take a dip, and some jackoff analyst(s) will declare Apple’s doom.
• “Apple is forcing me to buy .Mac!”
• “I hate .Mac! I refuse to buy .Mac! The fact that .Mac even exists has made me impotent! Ninety-nine dollars a year is so much… it’s like all my house payments for a year combined! Oh God, I hate .Mac so much I’m not sure I can go on living anymore! Someone kill me! Gaaahahahhhhbalhgraaablah!”
• “Should I buy a new Mac now, or wait until Leopard comes out?”
• “The new Finder doesn’t meet my personal high standards for software behavior and quality, therefore, it shouldn’t meet yours either.”

Did I forget any? Leave a comment.

My friend John Welch has pointed out a colossally stupid security problem with the Finder and the postflight script used by the Flip4Mac installer (which could potentially belong to any other installer as well). The worst part is, neither Apple nor Flip4Mac seems very interested in this problem or its correction.

Check out John’s blog for the details.